Ministering Ladies

          We’ve trimmed the tree, put up the lights and the candles are aglow on the fireplace mantel. Thanksgiving zoomed by and we are fast-forwarding toward Christmas.

          Many have warm fuzzy feelings about the holiday season.  It would be wonderful if everyone could have a loving, joyful happy time during the holidays, but grief dampens the joyfulness.

            In this world we shall have tribulation. Tribulation can come in many ways. Grief is experiencing loss. There can be loss of a loved one through sickness and death. There can be financial losses that drastically change life. Divorce creates broken relationships and painful hearts. Children may be estranged from the Lord. The holidays may bring back painful memories of an abusive childhood. Yet, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, and Easter all keep coming year after year. Life brings grief and pain and it does not disappear for these special days. In fact, holidays seem to intensify the feeling of loss.

            I recently had lunch with a widow of only a few weeks. Her husband died at 58 after battling a disease for several years. I did not know her well, but reached out to her in a new friendship. I asked her to share their life’s story with me. Earlier this year, I met a young widow with small children whose husband was killed in a tree trimming accident without financial support for the future. I know people who are suffering through serious illnesses today. Yet, Christmas will be here soon.  What do we do? How do we deal with our own grief or loss?  How can we help others?

            The family with the grief must reach out to each other in love. We need to share with each other our feelings and our tears. Talk about our loved one even to the children. They need to know it’s alright to cry when they feel sad. At the holiday time, start some new traditions. Make a memorial time for your loved one. Yes, we will cry, but give everyone permission to laugh too.

            My father always read the Christmas story from Luke before we opened gifts and he carved the turkey before dinner. When he was no longer with us, we passed the traditions on to other family members. We cried and laughed in sharing our memories about him.

            Journaling to the Lord has been a wonderful release for me in dealing with my own grief issues. God knows my feelings, but it seems to ease the pain when I write it down and actively share with the Lord.  He is the greatest Counselor.

            If you do not have grief in your life, make a special effort to reach out to those hurting around you. Invite a widow/widower for lunch or dinner.  There are no magic words. Just say, “I do not know how you feel, but I’m praying for you. Come and join our family.” Please do not say, “I know how you feel.”  Unless you have gone through the same experience, you do not know how they feel.

            Allow the hurting person to talk about their loss. Be a good listener. Take some gifts for the children to the young widow. Invite the family to your home to share the holiday dinner. Take a casserole to the family who is caring for a sick family member.  We show our love through action, not just words.

           After the holiday, the pain of the hurting person continues. Remember to call and say, “I’m thinking about you. How are you doing?” If the grief is from a death, after the funeral a few days or weeks, be sure to continue to call, visit or send cards of encouragement.  The grief and pain does gradually ease over many months and years, but your continual reaching out in love will always be appreciated.

          Both of my parents are with the Lord.  My father died 18 years ago at age 84 and my mother died this March in her 92^nd year. I’ve had two close friends die at the ages of 41 (18 years ago) and 53 (12 years ago). Often I will talk with other mutual friends about how much we loved and miss these precious women of God. Praise God for the hope of the resurrection!

          Let’s be active in loving one another. Look for the grieving person and be a light in their darkness during the holidays and throughout the year.  Someday it could be you needing the comfort and love. God did say we would reap what we sow.